so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
