Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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