i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
