Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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