I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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