i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
