I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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