I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
