he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
