Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
