That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
