Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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