Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
