hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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