I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
