last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
