no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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