how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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