If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
