dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
barbara walters just said penis...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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