You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
