oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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