A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
