there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
