Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
