i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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