Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
