The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
