Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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