I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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