like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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