you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was like having sex with a tree stump
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
