I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
