Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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