This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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