hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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