Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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