ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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