Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
