I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
