Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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