.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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