Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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