I love black thongs
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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