No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
