Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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