I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
