I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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