i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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