Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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