Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
