I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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