I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
