Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
