She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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