Your dad touched me again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
