I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
