And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
