Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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