Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
