Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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