Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
