Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize