So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
