That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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