Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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