You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Randomize
