We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
