what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
