So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
