my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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