Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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