I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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