i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
