he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
