I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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