she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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