Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
