Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
