i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
