one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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