Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
